Let’s begin today’s funny story with a bit of background.  For those of you not familiar with my Turd Ferguson fiasco, read that link first.

Today my pride and joy turns 4 and while I try to keep most of her comings and goings out of this blog I figured you guys might get a kick out of some things I’ve documented over the past year of things she’s said.

11/15/2006

<begin beer geek moment>

It’s not like I hide my snobbery when it comes to the alchemy of water, malt, barley, hops and yeast.  Lately I’ve been more prone to use the term Beer Geek as it’s less pretentious than Beer Snob.  In the interest of full disclosu ...

Ever have those “Oops, my mistake” moments where you screw up in front of a crowd, there’s no way to deny what you just did or cover it up, and you have to just “man up” and admit and apologize?  Yeah, me neither.  Kidding.  Even I will admit to screwing up protocol if I’m guilty and it was unintentional.

The elevator I took down for lunch had four o ...

Since I am prone to bring in my lunch to work most days (for cost and calorie control), I usually include a yogurt with my daily selection.  Obviously these industrial packets are vacuum sealed but for some reason there is one design flaw in almost all yogurt containers.  Unless you’re holding your hand over where you open the top, the semi-pressurized contents will splatter on your hands and clothes, making it look like you’re a President-pleasing intern with an aversion to swallowing.

This will probably be my most unpopular post ever, especially considering how everyone feels about Barry Bonds (myself included).  I haven’t read the book Game of Shadows yet and had I read it, I might not be writing this, but it’s time for people to get over Barry Bonds breaking the home run record.

There are occurrences you don’t find in any parenting book that one should look out for when near children.  The most common predicament I find myself getting into is having one of my daughter’s songs from a show or CD or DVD play itself on an infinite loop in my head.  I can’t blame children’s programming solely on this phenomenon, as I had that goddamned Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy” song in my head for about 2 years after it came out in the 1980s.  The fact that I, along with thousands of other music-loving Americans, didn’t commit random acts of violence while that song terrorized our brains is a testament to our willpower and tolerance for pain.  I will soil that buttbrain's grave with at ...

I hate to not have visual or audio confirmation for myself before I pass information along but I’ve gotten enough reports from other coworkers about something that confirms my initial thoughts about another company.  Our company shares a floor in this building with a company called Pay By Touch.  Read this entry before you continue.

While we are a Blame It On Everyone But Ourselves society, there’s a new marketing program at Turner Field where I believe there is a direct correlation to something else.  Even though we have an obesity problem here in the U.S., I can’t blame people for taking advantage of a new All You Can Eat program for certain sections of the ballpark.< ...