User participation seems to be a fun trend on this blog so let’s have another stab at it today.  Based on a topic submitted by my favorite General, answer the following.  Assume your house is on fire but your family and pets are safe outside.  You have two minutes to grab what you can in your hands (only one trip though – the house is about to cave in).  What do you grab?

Ahhhh, hurricane season.  It’s that time of year when Mother Nature does the ‘Cops’ show a favour and pressure-washes that show’s largest soundstage (also known as the state of Florida).  You can always tell when the winds are getting near since the clouds are headed east to west up here in Atlanta.

While most of you know I’m a cold weather guy, there are a few things nice about the warm weather months.  I really have no explanation as to why my blog has become “soft” all of a sudden but if I don’t watch out, I’m gonna lose my street cred I’ve earned all these years as a cynical wanker.  Maybe I’ll write a counter-post which would outline the crap of summer (smog, humidity, mosquitos, fat people in bathing suits, cockroaches the size of shoeboxes…)  Anyway, here goes.

Don’t worry about us.  Russia is attacking the OTHER Georgia.  We’re fine over here.  The only invasion Atlanta is suffering is the influx of Yankees like me the past two decades.  It’s a much more subtle ove ...

As I tried once more time to break myself free from Comcast and see if I could get a satellite signal from our house (we can get standard feed but the trees are still too tall for HD, so it’s a no go), it got me to thinking about how unnecessary cable channels might eventually become.  There will be a need for a physical cable pipeline for the time being simply because that’s the fastest way to receive internet for most of the population.  But the problem with cable lines is they have a finite amount of space you can shove all that bandwidth-hogging data through.

What if Dr. Robert Atkins, founder of the (duh) Atkins Diet, actually was a carboholic so much to the point that he tried to file a patent for a breadmaker with the US Patent office, only to find out he was beaten to the punch by someone else?  In a fit of revengeful rage, he invented a diet that basically stripped bread out of one’s daily food intake.  Thus his master plan to make the breadmaker inventor go out of business during the low carb rage would become complete.  Just to make clear, I’m purely speculating here.  The last thing I need is the Atkins Estate charging me with slander even though I’m sle ...

I’m going to take the rest of the week off from the blog and try to recharge the ol’ mental batteries.  I’ve been a basketcase since coming back from vacation and am in a rotten attitude.  The past few week’s worth of subpar blog entries are a testament to that.  Plan on a new post on Monday, assuming I can get out of this funk which has simply rotted my brain and made me a miserable, unmotivated mope.  I don't want this blog to be a pity party for my unhappiness (not to be confused with anger or ranting, which can cause good writing) so I won't expose you to this side of me if I can help it.

To add a twist to the tributes to George Carlin today, I offer you a list of dirty words he’s not allowed to say, depending on where he is currently residing.

If he’s in Heaven (which, if anyone knows his routine, he’d be surprised as hell if he wound up there), then St. Peter handed him a list of 7 words/phrases he is not allowed to use:

1. Goddamn

While I gave a thumbs down to southern cheese styles yesterday (of the string and cottage variety), I figured I’d throw a few bouquets to certain southern foods which are out-of-this-world great.  Much like the things I learned to crave in Chicago (deep dish pizza and Chicago-style hot dogs – both of which I can get down here), the items I’ve listed aren’t exactly what we would consider healthy.  Consider these Guilty Pleasures and I am Guilty as charged, even though I rarely have them due to not wanting to be 300 pounds.