Let’s begin today’s funny story with a bit of background.  For those of you not familiar with my Turd Ferguson fiasco, read that link first.

Today my pride and joy turns 4 and while I try to keep most of her comings and goings out of this blog I figured you guys might get a kick out of some things I’ve documented over the past year of things she’s said.

11/15/2006

Ever have those “Oops, my mistake” moments where you screw up in front of a crowd, there’s no way to deny what you just did or cover it up, and you have to just “man up” and admit and apologize?  Yeah, me neither.  Kidding.  Even I will admit to screwing up protocol if I’m guilty and it was unintentional.

The elevator I took down for lunch had four o ...

There are occurrences you don’t find in any parenting book that one should look out for when near children.  The most common predicament I find myself getting into is having one of my daughter’s songs from a show or CD or DVD play itself on an infinite loop in my head.  I can’t blame children’s programming solely on this phenomenon, as I had that goddamned Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry Be Happy” song in my head for about 2 years after it came out in the 1980s.  The fact that I, along with thousands of other music-loving Americans, didn’t commit random acts of violence while that song terrorized our brains is a testament to our willpower and tolerance for pain.  I will soil that buttbrain's grave with at ...

In the Wish I Had Thought Of It First department, two of the guys in my group did a funny thing that I inadvertently found out last week.  If there’s one aspect that I like about working where I am now, it’s the same sense of humor that the group I’m in shares.  Since we thankfully don’t have vending machines on our floor that would lead to impulse buying, we have a big bowl of peanuts. 

I was going to write some lighthearted fluff today but like the old saying goes, life is what happens during the making of plans.  In this uber-connected information age, different kinds of relationships that never would have been possible 20 years ago are now just another normal aspect of life.  I’m sure all of us have people that we’ve Instant Messaged or emailed whom we’ve never seen before.  Certain people who read this blog who I “know” quite well due to years of emailing and/or instant messaging I’ve never met in person.

Two amusing notes from this past week.  Our cars have to pass an annual emissions test here in Georgia and I go to this place that’s a small shack (literally) but the owner is really nice.  I never really noticed the name of his establishment before but I did get a chuckle when I finally looked at my credit card receipt.  His place is called “Dad’s Emissions”.  Hmmm, there’s at least 4 or 5 jokes one can ...

WOW, yesterday was a day where I became mortified of something at work at my expense, yet it was hard as hell not to laugh out loud at the same time.

Quick Setup to the story:

As most of you know, I test web sites.  My current compan ...

At the movie theater last night, I found out how it must feel to be a cat when the vacuum is turned on.  After doing the obligatory Empty Your Bladder No Matter How Little Is In It Prior To Seeing A Movie So You Don’t Have To Go During The Movie function, I washed my hands and proceeded to the hand dryer.  Now, most hand dryers are monuments to inefficiency.  Some barely spit out more air than those cheap AA-battery-powered handheld fans you see people with sometimes.  Others don’t belch out warm air while others are scalding hot and cause you to recoil your hand.

There was a semi-odd occurrence happen yesterday as I was making reservations for my daughter’s birthday party.  The building at the park where you can rent the pavilion next to the playground is also the headquarters for all the goings-on of the pool and tennis courts.  In the middle of the lady making our reservation, one of the lifeguards called her (she must have been the park supervisor) with a strange scenario.  An indignant mom was demanding she be allowed to continue to breastfeed her child WHILE IN THE POOL!