While in the monthly company meeting where it’s simply an exercise for the Sales team to verbally jack each other off in public, I had a random thought.  During these meetings we have a dial-in conference call number for those of us in the States not in the office that day, in addition to letting our offices in England, Germany, Russia, and Australia listen in.  So, under the guise of anonymity with so many users dialed in, what’s to prevent someone from ripping as loud a fart as they could from a non-office location?  It would make the male employees laugh, because no guy can keep a straight face when it comes to flatulence.  And, much like the anonymity of the internet, a conference-called-fart would be untraceable, along with the added bonus of not having to smell it.  It’s a “Win/Win” scenario that hasn’t been utilized to it’s fullest in Corporate America yet.

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I’ve got more ideas to help inform the citizenry of Georgia how to keep the traffic flowing with a few gentle reminders.  First, while GDOT really messed up by having far too many entrance lanes merge on the left lane of some highways, we don’t have a choice.  This means you need to “hit the ground running” if there isn’t a traffic jam.  At the very least, you need to be at the speed limit and preferably at least 10-15 mph over it since you’re merging right into the Speed Demon lane.  If the speed limit is 55, please do not enter the left lane at 40 mph.  Not only does this endanger your life if there’s a fast moving car or cars in that lane, you’re also endangering the other merging drivers behind you.  Go fast until you can at least merge into the right hand lanes with all the other Nervous Nellies.

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If you’re making a right hand turn onto a street that has an additional lane and a Keep Moving sign strategically placed within your field of vision, do EXACTLY THAT.  Keep on moving.  You have plenty of time to merge with the other lanes and this allows you not to back up traffic on the other road.  I WILL lay my horn until you realize what the fuck you should be doing right at that moment, assclown.

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It’s official.  No matter what kind of car you have, the gas gauge is purposely calibrated to make you think you’re getting better gas mileage than you really are.  There’s no other explanation why the needle stays in the upper ¼ quadrant for almost ½ of what your gas tank’s range really is.  You think you’re getting great gas mileage and then the bottom half of the gas gauge needle moves faster than what the speedometer does when you slam on the brakes.