I had discussed this with several friends but I gave the new Van Halen tour with David Lee Roth 2 months before personalities clashed and the tour would end with the band breaking up again.  I gave them too much credit – the damn tour has been postponed indefinitely before it even started!  I’m sure more details will be forthcoming in the next few days but there will never be a way for Diamond Dave to reconcile issues with the Van Halen brothers.  Once Sammy Hagar left the band it became quite obvious that the problem in the band was Eddie Van Halen.  I won’t even bring up the Gary Cherone era of the band, as it was a blip on the radar, thankfully.  Having him in the band was the equivalent of a college kid, horny as hell from not getting his carrot waxed for an all-too-long period of time, downing as much alcohol as it takes to bag some fat ugly chick.  Once the alcohol haze leaves, he feels shame and embarrassment and hopes not many people noticed his mistake.  Gary Cherone was Van Halen’s “double bag” lay.

On top of that, this tour wouldn’t have included original bassist Michael Anthony, the quiet guy in the band who sat back and watched the fireworks between other band members.  With Eddie replacing him with his 15 year old son Wolfgang, it wasn’t a true reunion tour anyway.   Not to mention the fact that I believe putting your 15 year old kid out on a rock and roll tour is borderline child abuse.  Yes, his life isn’t that of a typical kid when your dad is a rock star, but that still wouldn’t prepare him for life on the road at such an early age.  Hell, I’d be drunk all the time if I were named Wolfgang.  Eddie, here’s a newsflash.  Wolfgang was a cool name…in the 1500s….in Germany.  Over here in the States we name our kids with popular names such as John and Michael and Steve and Anfernee and Shaquille.

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I keep getting flashbacks of Natalie Portman’s role in ‘V for Vendetta’ each time I see those bald Britney photos taken at the salon where she shaved her head this week.  Is there a V for Vendetta sequel that we don’t know about?  If so, the title would be ‘R for Redneck’ (or Rehab), ‘T for Trash’ or ‘B for Bad Mom’.  She then went and got two tattoos right after that.  Is Kevin Federline THAT good of a lay where he causes obvious mental anguish for the women that he breaks up with?  Now she lasted less than a day in rehab, and we all know it wasn’t because they had a shortage of panties, since she’s gone ‘commando’ as of late. 

I know, it’s easy to pile on someone when they’re down, but seeing her revert back to her trashy Louisiana backwater country roots the past 5 years has got to rank up there in terms of disappointments for those who used to think she was semi-attractive.  It’s as if she picked up some Redneck For Dummies book at the local WalMart and followed the book verbatim.  Wake me up when her funeral is televised.