While the wackos who still display the John 3:16 signs behind the goalposts at most NFL games will never go away, there’s another subset of people who bring a certain set of items to a professional game that deserve ridicule. It shows not only an utter lack of creativity, but also an oblivious sense of not knowing they’re the butt of a joke. The people in question are those at sporting events that have the “D” and the “fence” signs. Yes, this was a truly clever gag…when skinny ties were still in fashion and Lionel Richie hadn’t adopted a future cokehead yet. I resist the urge at games to say to these people “Hey, Alf's dad, 1985 called. It told me to ask you where’s the beef and whether or not it tastes great or is less filling.”
I don’t mean to poke fun at the 80s, as I’ll Wang Chung and Rock the Casbah until Der Kommissar’s in Town with the best of them, but there are certain things done at sporting events in the 80s that should stay in the 80s – the wave, D-“fence” signs, any biblical quotation, and the wearing of sweatbands on your wrist.
About the only thing I oddly haven’t tired of is if I see a creative wording on a sign that spells out the initials of the TV station that is broadcasting that game. Yes, it’s a blatant ploy to get on TV and, yes, you should be hung if you have something lame like “Fordham lOves the SoX” in order to get on a Fox broadcast of the Red Sox game you’re at. But there are still creative ways to incorporate ESPN or NBC’s or any other station’s call letters into a short phrase. In fact, I give higher points to those who stick to the first letter of each word having to match the station’s letters. Otherwise it’s simply a Jumble sign.
Do the right thing – participate in something with the crowd that is at least younger than 10 years. I do enjoy the calling out of the opposing goalie at Thrashers and Gladiators game where they chant the goalie’s last name 3 times and then tell him that he has a propensity to not play well. “(GOAL-IE), (GOAL-IE), (GOAL-IE)…YOU SUCK!!!” It’s southern hospitality at its best. Or is it us crass, transplanted northerners who brought the chant from somewhere north of the Mason-Dixon line?
Or you could do what I consider to be the best chant ever which happened at a Cubs/Braves game at Wrigley many years ago. Ryan Klesko was in left field and the bleacher bums yelled, in perfect unison, “Fee Fi Fo Fum, Klesko is a FUCKING BUM!!!!!” I couldn't have honestly ever been prouder of being a Chicagoan at the time.