It’s official.  With yesterday’s ultrasound, we now know that Demonseed Number Two will also be a girl.  Thus the Kirkpatrick surname dies with me but given my family history, it’s probably for the best.  Thankfully my rotten attitude will for sure live on through my two girls!

While most guys would be disappointed not to have a son, it really doesn’t bother me.  Once you become a parent, the main thing you’re preoccupied with is that your children are healthy.  What’s between their legs makes no difference.  Instead of 1335 Church Street being Casa de Kirkpatrick, it will now be The House of Vaginas (no comments on how it currently is an all-vagina house, you smart asses).

So, as the father of (God-willing) two daughters, I now need to quantify the pluses and minuses.

Plus:

• Two potential “Daddy’s girls”
• Less hospital visits overall due to rough-house/reckless play
• No “birds and bees” talks for me!
• Won’t get peed in the face during diaper changes
• Not as many new baby clothes to get since it’s both girls and they’re both summer birthdays
• “Daddy gets to go to Vegas” or other men-only vacations to offset being surrounded by estrogen 24/7

Minus:

• Horndog Boys
• Menstrual synch-ups with all the women in the house
• Teenage Boys
• Potentially paying for two weddings.  The only potential saving grace here is if one winds up being a spinster or is the “butch” life partner and wears the strap-on in the relationship.  On a side note, since men pay for everything else when it comes to courting women, why shouldn’t the male side of the family pay for the wedding too?  It used to be that the family of the bride would get cool shit like goats and cows and jewelry.  Why did that tradition end?
• College Boys
• Pleading “girl eyes” that melt daddy’s hearts
• Adult men - ages 18-95

I have a few years to practice my ‘psycho dad’ routine to at least give these punks some inkling that one day I might snap and possibly kill them.  We also might have to revisit our “no guns in the house” policy.

A name hasn’t been decided and won’t be revealed until birth anyway.  As much as I love Ally and enjoy her input, her suggestion of naming the baby Poo Poo probably won’t be taken seriously, even though she cracked herself up.  Megan also probably won’t go for the name Holiday Party.  We’ll see.

As for our family expanding with any more children, it ain’t gonna happen.  Yes, we’re taking a chance if we lose one to a coyote or to the combine machine, but since we’re not on a farm I’ll take those odds.