{begin Jack Bauer ‘24’ narrative voice}

The following takes place between 7 AM and 7:05 AM today.

{end Jack Bauer ‘24’ narrative voice}

7:00 – Daughter Allison walks in the bathroom while Daddy James is getting ready and says “Daddy, can I put on your cologne?” (Note – She normally does this for me. She loves to help with any and all things.)

7:00 – I reply “Yes you can but I have to put on my hair gel first.  I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

7:02 – Hair gel is applied.  Daddy James calls for Super Helpful Daughter Allison to tell her that he is now ready.

7:03 – Daughter Allison re-enters the master bathroom.

7:04 – As Daughter Allison takes the top off of the cologne bottle, Daddy James notices the opening where the cologne sprays out is off-center.

7:04 – Daddy James attempts to take the cologne from Daughter Allison’s hands and she resists despite Dad’s logical pleadings.

7:05 – As Daddy James is readjusting the direction of the sprayer while Daugher Allison clutches the cologne with a death grip, Daddy James’ OCD/analness is displayed for all to see.

7:05 – As the sprayer is finally adjusted, Daughter Allison unexpectedly aims it at Daddy James' arms and shirt and machine gun fires 4 staccato bursts of expensive and aromatic cologne.  All 4 shots hit their intended target and Daddy James now smells like a cheap whore.  Or an Italian.