I had no idea how good I had it when I didn’t have a car back in Chicago.  Now that I’ve been a commuter since 1999, there are so many ways to have Road Rage induced it’s enough to give someone an ulcer.  Here are some more examples of jerks on the road.

Part of this is an offshoot of my OCD coming out, but I believe bad parkers are also inconsiderate boobs.   You know who you are.  How can you live with yourself after getting out of your car and noticing that one of your wheels is completely into the adjacent parking spot?  Not only are you taking up two spaces when you don’t stay within the lines, but it highlights your carelessness and selfishness which translates to other aspects of unsafe and careless driving.

I’m not typecasting when I say a majority of those offenders are large SUV owners.  Not only are you navigating a vehicle that you can’t fit into most places including your own house garage, you’re also hogging multiple parking spots for your Saddammobile.  To top it off, most multi-story parking garages generally contain smaller parking spots and tight turns.  When you park your Land Monster at the end of every aisle it makes turning into these lanes harder and also creates major visibility problems in terms of seeing incoming traffic.  I can only hope your monthly gas bill exceeds $500.

Next up on my hit list are the assclowns who are trying to exit a store that is located at an intersection corner.  There are certain numbskulls who truly believe it is possible to navigate perpendicular into two lanes of traffic to get into the left turn lane.  Keep in mind these exits usually aren’t more than one or two car lengths from the stoplight, so it’s almost impossible to get into the left turn lane without traffic much less having three lanes chock full of cars.  Instead they hold up traffic for all three lanes as they try to accomplish the impossible.  There’s a special circle of hell for the truly clueless like these.

My last example of a Driving Dickhead is the Not Letting Every Other Car Merge Guy/Gal.  Potential scenarios where these selfish pricks manifest themselves are highway merging lanes during rush hour, exiting stadium/arena traffic where lanes are merging, lanes ending due to accidents or construction where the lane trying to merge is also full.  The one exception where it is ok to not let people merge is when those emergency lane riders trying to cut in front of everyone.  This is the one time where I wish a damn cop was on the road and could give those self-centered buttwipes a ticket but it never happens.  It seems as those law flaunters always get away with this unsafe driving practice.  My only hope is that some of them pick up detritus in their tires that eventually gives them a flat within an hour.

I wish I had the patience of my wife sometimes.  When there are inconsiderate people who don’t use their turn signal before cutting in front of her, she simply deadpans “How sad it is for them that their turn signal doesn’t work.  He probably doesn’t even know his lightbulb is burned out!”