I’m not sure how many of you know what your first memory is.  For me, it was when I was two and in my first plane ride on the way to Hawaii.  My mom had some friends there at the time and she wanted to take me.  Unfortunately, my second memory is one I wish I couldn’t remember.  We were on Waikiki Beach and I was holding hands with my mom and her friend and a wave came over my head.  I hadn’t learned to close my eyes or mouth underwater yet so I got two lungs full of ocean water.  It scared the living shit out of me and it became a huge mental block for me to be in the water of any kind besides a bath for a long time.

This was kind of a problem seeing that we lived next to a canal in Detroit.  I never was scared of being near the water or in a boat; I just had no desire to be in the water.  In fact, I don’t think I took swimming lessons until I was 7 or 8 because I refused to go into a pool.  I was deathly scared of the water, all because of that fateful day on the beach in Hawaii.  Maybe it sounds stupid to you, but, as a child, events have a much larger impact on you than an adult.  I absolutely loved being near the water, watching boats on the water, being calmed by the tranquility of it all but I just didn’t care to be part of the water.  Yes, I took a chance every winter when I would ice skate all day on the canals but I was always able to recognize bad ice and avoid it.  I did see one kid fall through the ice one time but he was rescued by others with hockey sticks.  The one time I did fall through the ice was actually in our boatwell which was only a few feet deep.  I was crossing over a plank and lost my balance and crashed right through the ice.  Thankfully the water wasn’t even waist deep so I managed to gain my senses and hoist myself out of the water.

My next time seeing the ocean was in my early teens when we went to Virginia Beach for a wedding.  Again, I loved seeing the huge waves crash but there wasn’t a chance in hell of me getting near the beach to get wet from the water.  I hadn’t seen the ocean much between then and now and I was kind of apprehensive about being near those waves again, even though I can swim well.  I knew I had no choice though since my daughter absolutely loves the beach and can’t get enough of being in the pool or any water source.

So here I am at age 34 still partially fighting an unnecessary demon.  I’m sort of ashamed to even admit it but it’s the only way to get past it.  This past weekend was the best thing in taking steps forward to conquering that.  As Ally and I were standing on the wet sand and I’m holding her hand since she can’t swim yet, I’m noticing she loved having the waves splash her entire body.  Sometimes the waves came up to her chest and she would squeal with delight.  It got me to wondering if that’s how I was prior to that one rogue wave fucking up my mindset for most of my life.  Maybe that’s why I love the Discovery show The Deadliest Catch so much, as I can live vicariously through those crab fishermen who battle 30 foot waves on the Bering Sea, knowing that the next wave could potentially sweep them off the deck  or sideswipe their ship and flip them all overboard to their watery death.

It felt good to know that the waves wouldn’t sweep me away and that I could approach the ocean without apprehension.  For someone who loves being near water so much, it must seem odd to others how that same person has no desire to be in water.  It didn’t help the other year when I saw those home videos of the tsunami storming the beaches and taking everything with it.  I thought about that as the waves were gently lapping over my legs.  Imagination can the the worst obstacle sometimes when trying to overcome a fear.

While we had fantastic weather while in Gulf Shores, Tropical Storm Barry brought bigger waves on Saturday and that helped a lot too.  No it wasn’t a case of Lieutenant Dan standing at the top of his shrimp boat shaking a fist at God and saying “Is that all you’ve got?!” but it was therapeutic to be on the beach when the waves were larger and have the knowledge that it’s ok to not be scared of the waves.