Two Sundays ago, I was reading an article about the comedian Patton Oswalt in the NY Times Arts & Leisure section.  For those of you who don’t know who he is, he was the short friend on King of Queens who worked as a subway tollbooth operator.  His voice is the lead rat character in the new movie Ratatoullie and there was a smarmy note about his appearance that made me laugh out loud.  Whether or not the author wrote this in tongue in cheek or was just being vicious because that’s what critics do, I’ll never know.  While the article was actually very flattering about him, how would you like this description in an article about you?

“Small, pasty, and avocado shaped…”

Granted, the description is spot-on and might even have been suggested by him, but still...Ouch!

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For several years I had subscribed to a decent movie magazine called Premiere.  It went out of business earlier this year and since I still had several months remaining on my subscription, they put my remaining credits toward US Weekly.  I can honestly say I had never read US Weekly before that.  I had assumed it was a mixture of Entertainment Weekly and People.  Boy was I wrong.  What a vapid waste of paper this dishrag is.

More than half the magazine is those shots of celebrities taken by those horrid paparazzi photographers who do everything they can to get those photos.  This magazine caters to vicarious living for those who think other people’s lives are better than theirs.  Is it really worth printing a photo of an actress drinking a coffee while taking their kid for a walk in a stroller?  Are we that shallow as a nation that the demand for invasive photographs of people who memorize lines for a living?  Obviously the answer is yes.  I feel dirty even having the magazine in the house.  Thankfully the subscription runs out this month and I will spray some Febreze in my mailbox after my last issue comes in the mail.

One of the better songs Guns N’ Roses did that no one knows about is called Don’t Damn Me from 'Use Your Illusion I'.  In it, Axl lashes out at the industry above, summing it up in six nice lines.

Don’t hail me

And don’t idolize the ink

Or I’ve failed in my intentions

Can you find the missing link

Your only validation is in living your own life

Vicarious existence is a fucking waste of time