Make fun of me all you want, but when you become a parent it becomes imperative you try not to swear in front of them.  That doesn’t mean I’m not going to let loose a stream of epithets when they’re not around if the situation calls for it, but I find myself saying a lot of kid-friendly phrases not only in place of bad words but also simply expressions of wonder.  Instead of “Holy shit!” I might find myself exclaiming “Holy Mackerel!”.  “Jesus H Christ on a corn dog stick!” might now sound like “Geewhillikers!” or “Criminy!” or “Jiminy Cricket!” coming out of my mouth now.

Have other parents made this adjustment too?  Perhaps you’ve changed from “You assclown” to “You silly goose, you”?  Now when we’re in public, I’m hyper-aware of loud conversations near us that might turn “blue” and also catch my daughter’s attention enough for her to ask me what a word or phrase means.

Have I become a G-rated version of my former R-rated self?  At least in front of my daughters, yes.  I’m not asking for a medal and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t slip up every once in a while.  But those days are few and far between now.

When spoken among adults, a sprinkle of saucy language can enhance a conversation but one must absolutely know the audience.  Not every conversation can contain that kind of language.  I look at it like this – when a comedian uses the F-bomb in every sentence, it loses its intended meaning and highlights that person’s lack of command of the English language.  But if a guy sprinkles it in there maybe a few times during his set, the impact is that much more.  About the only guy who could get away with a steady stream of expletives and still be a funny person and a great communicator was Richard Pryor.  Anyone else has failed miserably.