OK, English majors, answer this one.  Let’s say a celebrity is being interviewed and one of the questions refers to the interviewee by their full name.  Example – Brad Pitt, being interviewed by one of those artificial celebrity shows is asked the question “So where does Brad Pitt fit into this picture?” or “What does a Brad Pitt do for fun?”  If Brad is referring to himself, obviously it is referred to as speaking in Third Person.  But if the target of the conversation is referred to by their full name, is this considered Third Person also or is it a different ‘Person’ conversation?  Is it Second Person (replacing “You” with the interviewee’s full name)?  Since Fourth Person is taken (using a phrase like “…one would think…”), is there a Fifth Person category or is something like this undefined?

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems the Third Person references have exploded as media coverage of uneducated and ego-filled athletes take center stage on television.  Without any empirical evidence to back it up, I’ll nominate Rickey Henderson as a modern day athlete who took using the Third Person reference to a whole new level.  Others have followed and perfected the art of Third Personitis, but Rickey was an original. 

I think the next level that egocentric athletes will climb to is to add “The” in front of their first name.  Yes, The Rock already has that moniker but since it’s wrestling, he gets a pass.  It’s the guys not in theater who will one day refer to themselves as “The Barry” or “The Dave” and we won’t bat an eye at the ludicrousness of it all, having been bombarded with egocentric quotes far too many times before this.

Since I’m rambling all over the place today, let’s add one more Thought Smore to the brain campfire.  Is there a particular reason why age is always attached to any article about actors and athletes?  I can maybe understand how it is relevant to athletics, as certain feats are amazing given a person’s youth or elderliness.  But why actors?  Seeing that none of them use their real names, why are (supposed) real ages shown in almost every article you see?

I guess there are times when we are amazed at how young Dakota Fanning is or the age Kirsten Dunst appeared in Interview With A Vampire (11) or how Jack Nicholson keeps on keeping on.  I guess it hits closer to home now that “up and coming” actors/actresses are half my age or a “seasoned veteran of 20 films” is only a year older than me. 

In keeping an uncharacteristically positive outlook on things, I guess I really shouldn’t feel old until I stop seeing obituaries for people in my age range that include phrases such as “he died far too young” or “this was an unexpected tragedy for someone her age”.  It’s not until you see your peer group get lauded with phrases such as “He lived a full life, with 5 great grandchildren and a fully functioning bladder until just a few months ago” that it’s time to make sure your will is current.