There are certain clothing styles that simply shouldn’t make a comeback.  In this writer’s humble opinion, the return of bell bottoms was an alarming trend for a while.  I was worried they were a “gateway drug” that would lead fashion designers to reintroduce us to wide collared shirts, polyester of all sorts, platform shoes and other hard-drug-induced fashions that only made sense if you were high as a kite, staring at a wall in a dark room illuminated by blacklight while listening to a constant loop of Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit”.

GMail includes text-based ad links in the system that are usually based on keywords included in your email conversations.  If the emails veer towards the “blue” side, there sometimes are amusing links to ads with racier material.  Whenever I go to my Spam folder to empty the messages, the ad link above is usually for something funny like recipes for Spam Casserole.

I have a group of ex-coworkers and college buddies who were natives of Wisconsin (myself included) and we always good-naturedly rib each other if the Packers and Bears suddenly have some good news or misfortune (based on which team you root for).  It’s too long to get into detail here but somehow a boy born in Milwaukee, raised in Detroit, who then moved to Chicago after graduation from college, became a Chicago Bears season ticket holder while being an Atlanta resident since 2000.

My long-winded way of getting to my point is that after another round of Packers-Bears ribbing, my ad link above my Inbox becomes football-related.  The following ad appeared earlier this week.

For those of you familiar with early 1990s fashion, Zubaz pants were the chosen style for a majority of male jocks, NFL fans, and fat guys (some were a combo of all three).   At Bradley University, that demographic was covered by the Pi Kappa Alphas (Pikes) who represented the wonderful combination of Dickhead Jocks and Campus Date Rapists.  It was a horrible fashion trend back then (combining tiger stripes with prison attire) and it would be an even worse idea now.  I’m paraphrasing my friend Big Daddy, who, upon me showing him this ad, said “…and weightlifters everywhere rejoice.”

I am not the target market for Zubaz pants.  I don’t lift weights, I don’t have back acne resulting from Human Growth Hormone usage, I believe that roofies are illegal, I’ve never uttered the phrase “How much ya bench?” except when to quote the Saturday Night Live skit with Chris Farley, and I don’t drive an American sports car.  I don’t foresee there being a huge demand for people wanting to relive their Zubaz Dream, much less any of the general public who missed it the first time and want to repeat the mistakes of Tony Mandarich.

Most Americans should categorically reject the re-launch of this brand.  God spare us all.