In terms of vague measurements we use in daily conversation, I got to wondering what the actual hierarchy should be for the following.  What is bigger in terms of size – a Boatload, a Buttload, an Assload, or a Shitload?

Boatload – This signifies a large measurement as in “I had a boatload of fries at lunch”.

Buttload – This is slightly larger than a Boatload.  The reason being is that we now have begun to describe an item on the body, thus making it more “extreme”, especially when talking about the buttocks.  “A buttload of fries” is at least a handful more fries than a Boatload.

Assload – I rank Assload next for several reasons.  Normally when a swear word is involved with a description, it intones that it’s a level above what you normally are describing.  “Fantastic” is nothing if the person next to you describes something else as “fucking fantastic” or "fan-fucking-tastic".  Same thing with my plate of fries mentioned above.  You’d be more impressed if I had an Assload of fries instead of a Buttload.

Shitload – Since the word “shit” is a tad more risqué nowadays than the word “ass” (which can be said on network TV now), I rank this as the Crown Jewel of posterior-related measurements.  A Shitload of fries must be split with several people.  These are the kind of servings you find at generic restaurants in suburbia that cater to the fatter-than-average American who doesn’t think that they’re getting their money’s worth unless there is an unreasonable amount of food on the plate.  A Shitload usually exceeds a normal portion by 5 or 6 times and is almost always never finished.

Feel free to dispute the above rankings or let me know if I missed any other measurements you might use when describing the size of something like portions of food.