James Kirkpatrick's Not-So-Random Keyboard Strokes

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Posted by: James	5/30/2008 1:52 PM
As a father of two kids, one of the places we frequent often is the local park. One of Ally’s favorite things to do is be on the swing for long periods of time. Now that she’s bigger, she doesn’t ask me to push her to get her started. I mention this because when I’m standing next to her, I’ve been asked by quite a few kids of the course of the past few years if I could give them a push on the swing. In this day and age of predators and perverts and lawsuit-happy parents, I almost always decline. I say politely to the kid that it might be best if they have their parents push them. But all it takes is some paranoid parent claiming I touched their kid inappropriately and the next thing I know there are charges being filed against me. Is this paranoid? Possibly, but I’m simply not taking the chance. Periodically I will break down, go against reason, and push that child on a swing but only if it’s a boy. I can’t take the chance that someone would interpret me, pushing a girl on a swing that I don’t know, as some sort of sick sexual advance. It’s a damn shame a responsible adult parent can’t help out another kid on a swing but we’re simply not in a day and age where kids should ever talk to strangers anyway. Where are these kids’ parents/guardians? While I’m not hovering over Ally’s every action at the park, she is NEVER out of my site and she can be reassured that if she needs my help I am right there for her. It makes me sad to say no to these kids’ requests, but I’m not risking sending any kind of mixed signal to the parent of a child that I don’t know.

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Re: Innocence is gone	By Erich on 5/30/2008 1:55 PM
This situation is very similar to when I am at the bars and I ask the young women at the bar if I can "push their stool in" for them....I mean, how can THAT be misinterpreted? ;)

Re: Innocence is gone	By KB's on 5/30/2008 2:29 PM
I've had the same thing happen to me also. Like you, I tell them they should ask mom/dad to do it. I don't understand the parents that go to the park and somehow disappear or don't get off of their fat arse to interact with their little ones.

Re: Innocence is gone

By JA3 on 5/30/2008 4:22 PM

These are stronger words than I usually use here, but please, stop living in fear. First because you're teaching the same fears to your kids and perpetuating the stupid, "all strangers are just rapists you haven't met" attitude that you claim to decry. The 99% of us who are laid back and dare I say "normal" about the appropriate roles for adults and children shouldn't be afraid of the 1% -- and let's face it, if someone is going to sue you for pushing their kid on the swing while they're not in view, then they're not going to be the kind of parent who lets their kid do ANYTHING alone. I for one will not let my life be ruined by the few bad apples. If you all tell me it's not worth the risk -- well, better not get in that car and hit the expressway, because you're more likely to die there than end up on a Sex offender registry for pushing a kid on a swing. Sorry. You may have hit a nerve.

Re: Innocence is gone	By James on 5/30/2008 4:30 PM
JA3, next time I see you on a park swing I am going to inappropriately push you and my hands won't wander above the waistline. It'll be a Double-ButtCheek push and you're going to yell "Wheeeeeee!!!!!!"

More like abandoned

By sl on 5/31/2008 2:47 PM

Hey Erich - I almost never sit down on a stool in a bar situation - particularly if one if offered to me. It makes me feel a little trapped! ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... Otherwise - what JA3 said. It's not like they're asking to sit on your lap to watch a movie during a sleepover. You're actually denying them the assistance they need to have a more 'normal kid' park experience in the absence -or presence I suppose- of (idiot/moronic/etc) parents. They probably don't have siblings to help push them either. Maybe what you tell them is that when they get older they will have to help other kids who need a push...(?) It's in these vulnerable situations that you can serve as the good old normal adult- interacting with them... which would help to keep the predators at a distance if they are lurking......................................................................................... ........................................................................................................... But then I'm of the 'mother' sex. I think part of this concern is that men are not seen enough in the role of nurturing or primary parent and so physical contact is stunted. It's extremely sad and very sexist. Separately, I think it's a part of the issue about girls 'gone wild' mentality which often stems from a lack of attention/affection from their male parental figure. Off that soapbox right now, Syl!

Re: Innocence is gone	By TSAC on 6/1/2008 11:40 AM
Unfortunately our Society has set up your paranoia!

Re: Innocence is gone

By Ian on 6/2/2008 1:09 PM

Unfortunately, James, I agree with you and understand your paranoia. I remember my first year as a camp counselor. Then I think of my last year as camp counselor. The times had changed just within those six years. We were lectured about how to handle the children. They were worried about lawsuits. That's with both boys and girls. When I lived in Michigan, they were pushing a ban that teachers cannot touch their students, because the MEA was worried about lawsuits. And this is even with women in the workplace. If I want to go out to lunch, and it's a female colleague, I won't ask her unless I ask two colleagues, so that it won't be misinterpreted. I wouldn't have thought about that years ago.

Re: Innocence is gone	By James on 6/2/2008 1:35 PM
Ian, you're right about mixed-gender lunches too. Rare is the time you see one male and one female go to lunch anymore.

Re: Innocence is gone

By Muuurph on 6/5/2008 10:42 AM

Been busy, so I'm just checking in on this. Put me down on the side of those who think you should push the other kids. Believe it or not, most of the world is NOT out to get you! I always helped out other people's ids when it was appropriate. I am usually greeted with thanks, sometimes indifference. You should never not help others, because of what the news tells you happened somewhere one time. 90% of the people you'll run across in life are sane reasonable beings. You shouldn't live your life worrying about the other 10%. I also have had several lunches/dinners with members of the opposite sex. Never worried about anything. Of course I haven't worked in an office environment, where gossips and busy bodies might cause trouble, since 1995, so maybe it's a little different. Most of those meals were either with independent reps or with co-workers while traveling. Perhaps if Ian zipped his fly once in a while he wouldn't have to worry about his offers being mis-interpreted.

Re: Innocence is gone

By Ian on 6/5/2008 1:51 PM

Typical of Murph to misconstrue what I say. Has nothing to do with zipping up a fly. Sexual harassment suits have increased in the workplace; I saw it working in the legal field, and still see it here with the EEOC. I was also quoting attorneys whom I have worked with currently working in education law, and quoting directors at the camp I had worked at. Had nothing to do with what I had brought up or had done personally. And the Duke case with Nifong is a perfect example of law gone wild. And James was the one who initally brought it up, I was just agreeing with him.

Re: Innocence is gone

By Muuurph on 6/5/2008 2:00 PM

Typical of Ian to not understand a joke when he hears one. .......................................................................................................... Typical of Ian to get his panties in a bunch over a non-issue. .......................................................................................................... Typical of Ian to not understand another point of view might have merit ...................................................................................................... Typical of Ian to take minor issue and distort it to include such things as dipshit DAs, political corruption, and rape cases. ...................................................................................................... Typcial of Ian to net get the point at all, which was to relax and not let the bastardos of the world get you down. ....................................................................................................... Typical of me to use one post to try to catch up to the number of times Ian uses the word typical in a know-it-all kind of way. Someday I hope to be as smart as a boy named Ian.

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