To add a twist to the tributes to George Carlin today, I offer you a list of dirty words he’s not allowed to say, depending on where he is currently residing.

If he’s in Heaven (which, if anyone knows his routine, he’d be surprised as hell if he wound up there), then St. Peter handed him a list of 7 words/phrases he is not allowed to use:

1. Goddamn
2. Jesus H Christ
3. Hot as hell
4. Who’s a guy gotta know to get a fucking drink around here?
5. Anton LaVay
6. The Catholic Church
7. Whore/harlot

If he’s in Hell, then Lucifer handed him this list of 7 banned words/phrases.

1. Heaven
2. Christmas
3. Hope
4. Redemption
5. Parole
6. Ice cream
7. No pronunciation of the word “Jesus”, not even the Spanish way

Had George Carlin actually composed this entry, it might actually have been funny.