Now that I’ve had a week to mull over my first trip to Las Vegas, a few things come to mind.  One thing is for sure – unless you absolutely hated the place, you HAVE to go back at least for a second time.  With so many places bombarding you all at once, the first trip really is an orientation.  Trying to digest everything you see is simply too much.

I was there from Thursday evening to Sunday morning which was probably one day too long for a newbie, especially someone who doesn’t gamble.  But that’s not to say it wasn’t fun.  That was the part that I was surprised about – Vegas is not “me” in terms of things that interest me, yet I had a great time and would like to return.  Part of that is obviously the group you’re with and the 3 guys, who were all Vegas “vets” were more than happy to show the new guy the town.

Cool casinos?  I liked the Bellagio, Venetian, and Paris.  Wynn was the new rich kid in town and, with a Maserati and Ferrari dealership in front, it was very impressive.  It will be interesting to see how many years passes before it becomes stale and “old” and tourists wish it were getting torn down.  It sure seems like there’s massive hype when each casino is created, it lives off that hype and newness for a while, and then tries to stay current once it’s not the new kid on the block.  When it becomes inhabited by seniors and offers discounts to anyone that makes a reservation, you know its days are numbered.  Vegas casinos are like women – everyone loves them young but once they show signs of age, they’re kicked to the curb.

A friend had warned me prior to going to Vegas that everything appears to be deceptively close.  These massive hotels are like mini mountains.  They seem within walking distance and you can walk for 30 minutes and still seem as though you’re no closer.  Having walked, over the course of 3 days, the entire strip back and forth, I didn’t feel guilty about those massive buffets and decadent dinners.  I’d estimate I burned more calories walking than I would have at home, where I try to walk several miles a day.

On a semi-related note, because of the distance between casinos, cabs are sometimes necessary.  What blows about that are the massive lines at each casino for these taxis.  You wait and wait and wait some more.  We did get several good stories from the cabdrivers.  One, which might be true and might not be, involved 2 women 69’ing each other in the backseat.  Another involved a lady cabdriver who dropped off some famous author at his house and he asked her “What would you do if I pulled a gun on you right now?”  She said she flipped out on the guy and basically screamed at him until he threw his cab fare at her and took off into his house.

I was more than willing to accept the fact that I wasn’t going to gamble in order to offset the high prices of everything in town.  Thankfully most people who live near large cities won’t have as much of a sticker shock compared to someone who is a lifelong Muncie, Indiana or Greenville, South Carolina resident.  My steak at Harrah’s would have been comparable to what it costs at a nice steak place in Atlanta.  My cost doubled because I added crabmeat and a shrimp the size of a 6-month old human fetus to the order!!

Being able to bring a drink into the streets was an added bonus.  The key to enjoying this place is to not focus on how unreal it is.  Conspicuous Consumption is the order of the day. 

It is interesting to note how the plane TO Vegas has a palpable excitement just shimmering through the entire plane and the way BACK consists of 3 groups – those who have won big, those who have lost big, and those who are utterly exhausted.  I forgot earlier to mention how, on my flight to Vegas, when the attendant ran my ticket through the electronic reader right before entering the gate, it rejected it twice.  Thankfully my record came up when she manually typed the boarding pass numbers in.  The last thing I wanted to do was be stuck in the Dallas/Fort Worth airport (yes, it was a connecting flight out there too) where they actually sold purple, pink, and turquoise cowboy hats.  My hatred for All Things Texas will be for another entry though.

So, here’s my simple recap of a place that defies reality:

1 – Bring money. Lots of it.  Don’t even think about budgeting your money.  Otherwise you’ll have a rotten time, even if you plan on making it back with your gambling winnings.

2 – If you’re a single guy, stick your dick into anything you can find, even if it’s the tigers at the Mirage.  If you’re a single hetero woman, ride as many cocks as lubrication will allow.  This is the best place to have an alter ego where anything you do can’t be traced if you’re smart enough.

3 – Embrace the hyper-surrealism of the town.  Time doesn’t exist here, unless you have a dinner reservation.