It can be difficult to understand different dialects of our own language – whether it be southern or northeastern or British (AKA the King’s English).  In Scotland, it’s extremely difficult to decipher their version of English, which contains words we simply aren’t familiar with.  Slang is not only regional, it’s also generational.  If any of use said “Gag me with a spoon” to someone who is 18, they’d give you a blank stare, much like the response I got when I made a “Rock the Casbah” reference to a new college grad the other year.

For those whose native tongue is not English, you can generally tell what region of the world they’re from.  The country I have the largest problem with understanding their version of English is India.  I simply cannot understand what they’re saying.  I don’t believe I’m in the minority with this impediment, which is why it’s so baffling that most American companies have outsourced their customer service to India.  Glossing over the fact that so many Americans have lost their job to someone in India, I think we would be less resistant to this change were we able to understand what the hell they’re saying.  In the past decade, most American companies have a large Indian contingent and while they’re brilliant people for the most part and very polite, understanding their spoken English is extremely frustrating.

I noticed at the local Great American Cookie store in our local mall, or whatever the place is called, is owned by an Indian family.  There’s nothing wrong with that but I do find it odd that in the window displays of all the birthday cookie-cakes that they make, they have put phrases with Indian names like “Happy Birthday Shriva” or “Congratulations Ravi” on all their displays.

This really isn’t a rant against India but I will admit that, while I really want to visit most of the world in my lifetime (with the exception of the Middle East), I have zero desire to ever visit India.  I’ve never heard anything positive about anyone who has gone to India, whether it is the extreme poverty and stench everywhere you go or them getting seriously ill from some mysterious virus or tainted food (although a quick bite of spinach here in the good ole USA will bring the same symptoms).

We have a daily conference call with our worldwide offices here at work (Russia, England, Germany, Australia, and India).  You can always tell when the Indian office is online because you can hear a nonstop cacophony of honking horns from outside their open office window.  Even if the weather right now might be nice enough to open up your windows, if there was that much noise where I worked, I can't imagine getting work done, much less try to hear an international conference call conversation.

The bottom line is if I ever visit a country with over a billion people, it’s going to be China, not India.