While at the second of two work holiday parties this Saturday, something dawned upon me while playing pool.  My wife’s holiday party was at one of the doctor’s houses and the festivities were in their basement.  Next to the bar was a really nice pool table and of course this is where the guys gravitated to, as it is in our genetic nature to play and actually gives us material to talk to other men about instead of the standard uncomfortable forced conversations we have while at a spouse's party.

I don’t care what anyone says, but there is a mental pecking order based on who wins the most pool games.  It’s an unspoken Man Rule that whoever wins a majority of their games is the manliest man of the night.  It’s funny when you tell someone, or someone tells you, “good shot” when you, or they, actually mean “You lucky bastard excuse of a man, it’s only because I’m drunk is the reason I’m losing. You’re a LOSER and your wife is fucking a LOSER.”

Then you have the dynamics of the Stranger Tag Team game where one is paired up with another husband/significant other.  While the teammate misses an easy shot and gives the standard “I haven’t played in a long time” excuse, the teammate is thinking “Dude, I think you would still suck even if you channeled the ghost of Willie Moscone.”  If your team wins, your manliness is validated, but if you’re on the losing team, it’s easy to blame the other player.

The only time where one can save face in losing at pool is if you scratch on the 8-ball.  Sometimes that just happens and it’s the Great Equalizer, allowing even a tandem of drunk chicks to win a pool game every once in a while even if they don’t sink any balls and the other team accidentally knocks in 3 or 4 of their own during the course of a game.  Of course, the guys won’t verbalize their thoughts of “You drunk wench, the only reason the game lasted more than 3 minutes was because all of your balls were in the way of our shots.”  If you’re a single guy with your date, you’re thinking “The only reason I’m not talking shit back to you is because I hope to have at least 3 fingers inside your drunk ass in a few hours.”