Miscellany

The Underrated Autumnal Equinox

jamesjk@gmail.com — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 20:20:42 GMT

Maybe part of it is my adverse reaction to the life-draining hotness of summers in the south but I’ve come to relish autumn as much as any other season. Some of you know which of the four seasons my favorite is, and while spring and summer have their strong points, I’m beginning to lean towards autumn as being my second favorite season. Here are my reasons behind being a fan of a season that most people dread.

First and foremost is the bounty from nature. From fresh veggies to fruit to newly harvested grains, this is when food is the best. Is there anything better than going to a farm that presses fresh apple cider right there on the spot? I’m salivating just thinking about it – hot or warm, it doesn’t matter. With the colder months approaching, food gets heartier and more “comfort food-like”. Sure, the food might be a tad unhealthier but something like a shepherd’s pie on a cool autumn night seems to be a perfect marriage of food and season.

It’s also the beginning of breweries releasing their really tasty seasonal beers. The Octoberfest and pumpkin and autumn-inspired beers seasoned with nutmeg and cinnamon and other great flavors pave the way for the even-better holiday beers. This time of year is when a brewery can really stand out from the pack with their beers that overflow with flavor.

While we’re on the topic of edibles, does anything tip off that it’s fall than seeing bags of candy corn available in every store you see? It’s this time of year when I start eating fistfuls of those diabetes-inducing isoscoles triangles of fun.

For the sports nut, this is the time of year when the perfect storm of events comes together – football, baseball playoffs, and hockey. While I’ve been turned off from college football thanks to the beyond-fanaticism of SEC and ACC fans, it’s fun to see a game on a sunny, 45 degree day up north with 100,000 fans who all share your passion. And for those wannabe Canadians like myself, hockey season is officially underway!

I don’t know about your personal preferences, but as someone who walks several miles a day, I prefer crisp, colder air that doesn’t make me sweat while getting my heart rate up is a nice bonus to the season.

And, of course, it isn’t Fall without the vibrant colors of the leaves. Who doesn’t like staring out your window and seeing red, orange, yellow and green splashed out over the landscape?

Autumn is where it’s at, man.

Millions for me!!! Perhaps more!!!

jamesjk@gmail.com — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:07:32 GMT

Sometimes a phishing email just begs to be repeated. I’ve left the awesome grammar and oddly-formatted sentence structures. My comments are in blue.

Attention: Dear Prominent User Of The Internet
[It’s nice to get some recognition for being a website tester]

How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family?
[It’s been a long year but it’s hopefully turning the corner. Thanks for asking.]

I hope this mail meets you in a perfect condition. [My blood pressure is a bit high as of late but I hope this doesn’t disqualify me as being in perfect condition. Plus I’m still detoxifying from Las Vegas.] This is from a total cash prize of US 50,000,000 Million dollars, given to the first FIFTY (50) people who will be compensated in this world internet programs.Allparticipants were selected randomly from World
Wide Web site Through computer draw system and extracted from over 700.000 companies I am using this opportunity to thank you for using the internet daily. [I was even willing to overlook the run-on sentences, but when you round company numbers to three decimal points it shows how accurate you’re trying to be. Oh wait, did you mean 700,000 companies instead of 700?]

Due to your effort, using internet programs indoor and in your office,We want to compensate you and show our gratitude to you with
the sum of $1,000,000.00 Million United States Of America Dollars we have authorized Dr. Garvin Taylor to assist your in getting
your compensation check across to you.The name and contact address of the Dr. Garvin Taylor is as follows;

[I'm grateful for your gratitude. All modesty aside, I AM a kickass internets user. I rule the Tubes.]

COMPENSATION HEAD OFFICE
CONTACT AGENT: Dr. Garvin Taylor
EMAIL: drgarvin91067@gmail.com
[Awesome. A doctor TOTALLY legitimizes this operation. If the medical field is behind it, count me in. Then again, 4 of 5 doctors recommended Camels as their preferred cigarette in the 1950s.]

Finally remember that I have forwarded instruction to Dr. Garvin Taylor on your behalf to send the cash prize of One Million
United State Of America Dollars to you as soon as you contact him without delay .

[Actually, I’ll take my payment in Euros please. That will at least double my haul. I’m even willing to accept Canadian dollars since those are worth more than our United States of Wall Street Bailout dollars.]

Mr. Pakis Clarke
Presidential Library & Museum
Former Director International Online
Lottery Co-coordinator. © 2008 WORLD
INTERNET PROGRAMS®
[Dewd, you guys even copyrighted AND trademarked your company’s name?! This might be legit then!!]

***UPDATE***

My blog host has set up a dummy email address in which we are contacting the good doctor. See me for the email and password. If you don't have my email, use the Contact Me box at the bottom right. We can all monitor the inbox and hope our winnings trickle in, even if it's in Nigerian currency.

Moving forward

jamesjk@gmail.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:07:00 GMT

Please bear with me this week as I deal with the emotional aspect of surviving yet another downsizing and the resulting additional workload that comes with such a move. It's hard to move forward, even when it probably makes the most sense for the company financially, when your office floor is about 1/4 full and feels like a mortuary. Don’t misinterpret my sentiments above as somehow feeling worse than those unfortunate people who lost their jobs. I feel lucky as hell to once again have survived but each one of these downsizings takes a little chunk out of the psyche. That being said, I feel much worse for the recently departed.

It makes me even feel guilty about taking a much needed two mini-vacations in the next month. This may be confusing to those who read this blog post as to why I would go on vacations but the answers are relatively simple.

The unforseen financial woes were not due to not living beyond our means or anything like that.

It was a combination of sequential events happening all at once, such as one's home air conditioning unit dying the same month two flat tires come into the picture. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.
These vacations were actually fully paid for in advance. Airfare and hotel have been covered months ahead so we might as well go on these vacations.
With Megan's INSANE work and school schedule the beginning of this year to wrap up her Master's degree, we had zero days off (weekends included) until we took that vacation in Tybee Island, so our vacations are backloaded in the year.

With that being said, I am headed to Las Vegas on Thursday with an old college friend and his buddies. They go each year and this will be my second time going. Even though Las Vegas would seem to be the opposite of everything I stand for (I don’t gamble, I’m not a glitzy guy, and believe it or not I don’t even enjoy getting plowed anymore because my body has changed and I can’t sleep after a night of drinking) but when I was there I had a blast due to the enormity of it all. That initial trip was pretty much an exercise in soaking it all in. Now I can go to places I enjoyed and won’t be as open-mouthed and slack-jawed (which is quite an accomplishment to do to a city boy who is used to seeing things on a grand scale).

And in October, Megan and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary at a bed and breakfast in northern New Hampshire. More on that as the time draws nigh.

I'm mentally wiped out and a weekend of utter decadence might help. Or it might exacerbate the problem by overindulging. Stay tuned. I might try to post something from my iPhone.

Totally gratuitous, self-serving and superfluous blog post

jamesjk@gmail.com — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 17:56:17 GMT

If you didn’t know where I lived in Chicago or the fact that I’m a Detroit Tigers fan, this post will mean nothing. I was reading this article today about my second favorite Tiger ever, Alan Trammell. He now is a bench coach for the Cubs and they mentioned he now lives in the New York building, which is about 4 blocks from Wrigley Field. It also happens to be the first place where Megan and I lived together. We were on the 32^nd floor. He’s on the 33^rd floor. Kind of cool even if it's a REMOTE connection to my history.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, my favorite Tiger was Lance Parrish.

Audience Participation - Burning House edition

jamesjk@gmail.com — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 20:39:33 GMT

User participation seems to be a fun trend on this blog so let’s have another stab at it today. Based on a topic submitted by my favorite General, answer the following. Assume your house is on fire but your family and pets are safe outside. You have two minutes to grab what you can in your hands (only one trip though – the house is about to cave in). What do you grab?

Yours truly would try to get the following items (in order of importance):

The folder containing our SSN cards, birth certificates, passports, and other official documentation.
My iPod and iPhone. Thankfully this wonderful little invention spares me from trying to lug 700+ CDs from a burning house.
The backup hard drive which contains all the digital photos I’ve taken.
MacBook
Any other additional older photo books I could manage to fit in my arms.

There might be other things I’d think of later, but when your brain has no time to process other thoughts, these would be the items I would attempt to salvage.

Blowin' down the house

jamesjk@gmail.com — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:27:25 GMT

Ahhhh, hurricane season. It’s that time of year when Mother Nature does the ‘Cops’ show a favour and pressure-washes that show’s largest soundstage (also known as the state of Florida). You can always tell when the winds are getting near since the clouds are headed east to west up here in Atlanta.

I understand why Florida is appealing to some (seniors, rich people protecting their homes from seizure, insects the size of cucumbers…) but I could never live in an area where there’s a darn good chance of your home getting bowled over by 120 mph winds several times a year. The same logic can be applied to tornado country in Oklahoma, although at least Florida has a shoreline. Plus you just don't know when a tornado's gonna hit.

Lots of people complain about snow but let’s compare a blizzard to a hurricane. A snowstorm leaves a beautiful blanket of whiteness on everything while a hurricane tosses around trees like they were lawn jarts. A snowstorm is a great reason to cuddle around the fire and look outside at the beautiful transformation taking place. During a hurricane you’re huddled inside the strongest structural part of your house in hopes that the walls don’t collapse. The aftermath of a snowstorm is that kids get to sled and ski and make snowmen and snow angels. The aftermath of a hurricane for kids is to help dad pick up the loose branches and fallen roof shingles.

I’ll take Mother Nature’s frozen fury any day over the wrath of a hurricane.

*****

Afternoon update - As I was walking outside into rather windy weather, I noticed a robin standing on the concrete who, while its feet were firmly planted, had his tail whipped back and forth by the wind. Kind of a neat visual.

Summertime

jamesjk@gmail.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:50:50 GMT

While most of you know I’m a cold weather guy, there are a few things nice about the warm weather months. I really have no explanation as to why my blog has become “soft” all of a sudden but if I don’t watch out, I’m gonna lose my street cred I’ve earned all these years as a cynical wanker. Maybe I’ll write a counter-post which would outline the crap of summer (smog, humidity, mosquitos, fat people in bathing suits, cockroaches the size of shoeboxes…) Anyway, here goes.

People-watching at a city shoreline and/or nature-watching on a beach or quiet lake
Cold sour cream on a hot taco with all the toppings
Ice cream – in any form and in any container/receptacle (DUH)
Hot dog at any ballpark (except for Atlanta’s Turner Field, where they somehow manage to mangle an American classic)
Hearing kids play until dark (but not after). Reminds me of childhood days.
Back when I lived near Wrigley Field, it was nice to open your window and hear the roar of the crowd and the organ music in the background. Listening to the crowd belt out 'Take Me Out To The Ballgame' was worth every penny of the rent money.
Birds chirping in the morning.
Reading the newspaper on the deck in the morning with a cup of coffee before it gets too warm (NOTE – this only happens on the weekend and is a rare occasion, so when I do get that chance I savor it).
Soaking in the sunset while at an outdoor backyard party.
Outdoor dining at a restaurant/café/bar/coffee shop.

Feel free to add any items special to you. Hurry up though. This Niceness Ball turns into a rancid pumpkin at midnight and yours truly will revert to his old self. Or not.

For those of you who are geographically challenged…

jamesjk@gmail.com — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 14:31:22 GMT

Don’t worry about us. Russia is attacking the OTHER Georgia. We’re fine over here. The only invasion Atlanta is suffering is the influx of Yankees like me the past two decades. It’s a much more subtle overtaking of the city this time, unlike the pyro-loving General Sherman.

**********

Thanks to Erich for Photoshopping the trash out of the picture I posted yesterday.

Bye Bye, Rigid Time Slots

jamesjk@gmail.com — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:58:53 GMT

As I tried once more time to break myself free from Comcast and see if I could get a satellite signal from our house (we can get standard feed but the trees are still too tall for HD, so it’s a no go), it got me to thinking about how unnecessary cable channels might eventually become. There will be a need for a physical cable pipeline for the time being simply because that’s the fastest way to receive internet for most of the population. But the problem with cable lines is they have a finite amount of space you can shove all that bandwidth-hogging data through.

Before I digress too much further, I got to thinking about how much having standard TV tethered to a rigid time slot is really becoming an outdated method. Let’s think about this. If you’re not concerned with seeing a TV show immediately when it is aired (and who the hell watches live TV anymore anyway?), you can watch it on your DVR at your leisure, download that show from iTunes, watch it streaming on that station’s web site, or you can download it via bit torrent. If you insist on seeing a show on a big screen, you can wait for the season to be available on DVD. And thanks to Netflix you don’t even have to go past your computer desk to order a movie or a show. If anyone is still recording shows on a VHS tape, kindly introduce them to the 2000s.

With Video On Demand selections available through our DVRs, we really are in an age where the viewer is empowered. Of course since none of us watch commercials anymore, part of the price we pay is seeing product placement not only in a scene of a show but sometimes as part of the written script. While that might infuriate me, it really is an inevitable byproduct of desperate advertisers and I don't see that aspect getting better as time goes along. Someone's gotta foot the bill so I accept it as a necessary evil.

Sporting events or time-sensitive programming like the State of the Union address still draw large live audiences but even for those I tend to watch a game at least partly delayed on my DVR so I can skip through the commercials and I tend to read the transcript of the State of the Union address verbatim the next day in the NY Times. But even those are now available to view online, as opposed to a particular TV channel.

We do have a long way to go though before I’m willing to give up my TV to watch something on a computer on a regular basis. Will shows eventually become something along the lines of what we now know as RSS feeds that push out any updates to subscribers when there is new content on a site? If so, count me in.

Completely sober (honest – not a drop to drink!) thought of the day

jamesjk@gmail.com — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:20:52 GMT

What if Dr. Robert Atkins, founder of the (duh) Atkins Diet, actually was a carboholic so much to the point that he tried to file a patent for a breadmaker with the US Patent office, only to find out he was beaten to the punch by someone else? In a fit of revengeful rage, he invented a diet that basically stripped bread out of one’s daily food intake. Thus his master plan to make the breadmaker inventor go out of business during the low carb rage would become complete. Just to make clear, I’m purely speculating here. The last thing I need is the Atkins Estate charging me with slander even though I’m slender.

While I can’t deny the effects of the diet I’ve seen with friends and coworkers who adhered to it during it’s peak popularity, the fact is that I would never be able to go on any diet where bread isn’t a staple. To me, I enjoy a warm loaf of fresh bread more than I do a draught pour of a rare Belgian beer. I don’t put butter on my bread in most instances and I’ve been known to eat nothing but a loaf from time to time. To deny me this simple pleasure would be a fate I wouldn’t want to imagine.

On the plus side, when everyone was eschewing bread, there was more for me, and other carb lovers to chew!