Slices of Life

Number One for Number Two

jamesjk@gmail.com — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:52:18 GMT

Today is Katie’s first birthday. In keeping tradition with how she came into this world, she’s been sleepless the past two nights. Therefore Mommy and Daddy are hopped up on caffeine in order to get through the day.

Here is a photo taken today prior to her getting a morning walk in her stroller.

Here is one also taken today where you can see a) how colourful her hair is (red, orange and brown) when the sun shines down on it and b) how her sensitive skin reacts to bug bites (see left cheek) and c) her making a fishy face.

This is a recent one and one of my favorites, taken from Megan’s iPhone. She is a Ritz cracker addict and was not happy the box was beyond her reach.

And finally here is video of her having a cupcake for the first time when we celebrated her birthday last weekend.

Public Stalls

jamesjk@gmail.com — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:30:33 GMT

Ever since I found out in our first ultrasound where we learned we would have a girl more than 5 yeas ago, I knew the day would come where I would eventually have to deal with a certain scenario. No, I’m not talking about Ally bringing home a Hell’s Angel or a two-timing professional athlete – that’s my cross to bear in a decade or so. No, I’m not referring to Aunt Flo – she’s only 5 and that will be Mommy’s job to explain. No, I’m not referring to her getting into a fighting match with her sister – I’m sure that will come soon enough once Katie starts to say “no” to her on a regular basis.

My biggest fear is having to take her to a public restroom. All guys know how absolutely fucking disgusting men’s rooms can be. Even with a wide angle surface area like a urinal has, guys still manage to miss their mark more often than not which leads me to believe they WANT to miss it. If there’s a urinal, it’s going to be urine-splattered, thus matching the floor tiles around it.

I’ve lucked out a lot of times with Ally since either Megan has been with us and she can take her to the ladies room or there is a family restroom which usually is cleaner than the men’s room. For the past few years, we have periodically been forced to use the public men’s toilet at the park Ally plays at. It’s filthy but at least it’s an individual room and I can prepare it as best I can before she places her little cheeks on the toilet. Last year was the first time I took her to a ballgame and I also lucked out since my mother-in-law was with us.

Circumstances allowed me at the last minute yesterday to take Ally to the ballpark while my mom watched Katie (Megan had to work from 7-7). This was the first time she and I would be going to a sporting event alone together. I knew we would have to eventually face my demons and take her to the men’s bathroom. As we walked around the concourse looking for Dippin' Dots (the main reason she was excited to go to the ballgame), I kept my eyes out to see if there were any family changing stations I could take her when she had to go. No such luck.

Sure enough, a few innings go by and The Need is announced. We went in the middle of the inning to avoid the between-innings crush of people. Of course I put my right hand by her eyes to avoid seeing the row of guys relieving themselves in the urinal and see one toilet stall open, which happens to be the handicapped stall. Score one for extra space. But that was where my smile ended. I lock the door, turn around, and my worst nightmare came true. About the only thing missing from the scene was a stray turd on the floor.

Do you ever pay attention to something like seeing a small puddle on a flat surface and seeing what the “breaking point” is if you add a bit more water to see it finally overflow? Well there couldn’t possibly be any more Urine on this toilet seat without it spilling over into the toilet and the floor. I had to wad up giant balls of toilet paper and let it seep up but not long enough for the seeped urine to touch my hands. I had to do this for quite some time, flushing a few times so the toilet wouldn’t get stopped up. After the lid finally was dry, then proceeded to “birds nest” the top of the seat with layer after layer of toilet paper in hopes that that remaining urine and venereal diseases attached to that seat wouldn’t latch on to my daughter.

Then we tried to wash our hands as fast as possible but of course there was no soap left so who knows what additional germs we ingested when we ate things later in the game. Water can only do so much. As of right now, neither of us are sick but that bathroom scene was exactly how I imagined it would be 5+ years ago. She had to go a second time in the game and thankfully I only had about a minutes worth of urine sopping chores to do on the same toilet lid.

Typical Braves game – we got 4^th row outfield seats after purchasing them online only a few hours earlier.

Take a look at this picture and then go here to see a very similar scenario last year.

First Day of Kindergarten

jamesjk@gmail.com — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 15:12:38 GMT

I’ll get back to being Cranky James later this week, I swear. In the meantime, yesterday was a big milestone since it was my eldest daughter’s first day in kindergarten. Maybe it was because I’ve been dropping her off at her Montessori class since she was 18 months old but the morning was tear-free, albeit one that Megan and I dreaded. Your first child’s first day in real school is a huge milestone and you thank whatever deity/innate object you can that you have a) had a healthy child for that length and b) a child who is ready for school and looking forward to it. Sadly, we also live in an age where I have to add part C – the hope that her schools are never ones where school violence happens as a result of disgruntled, heavily-armed psychopaths.

A parent’s wish is for their child to live a happy and normal life, albeit one that is successful as determined by the child when they are an adult. You can only hope by that point you’ve steered them in the right direction and that they make the proper adult life decisions. But I’m getting ahead of myself. She’s only into her second day of school but I am bursting with pride as to how she is doing so far. Her teacher seems to be really nice and it was comforting, during last week’s ice cream social, to see her former students (now first graders) all rush to say hello to her. Had she been someone they didn’t like, I doubt they’d make their presence known to her.

I kind of wish yesterday hadn’t been Trash Day in Decatur, seeing that it kind of ruined what I thought was a perfect shot of Ally and Megan on our way to school.

Here she is just leaving the auditorium and headed to her classroom. That's a My Pretty Pony tattoo on her left arm. We don't think she's joined a gang...yet.

Classroom shot. She's in the middle.

And a quick smiling photo when she got into our car after her triumphant first day. Don’t worry, she was about to be buckled in and the ID necklace for first day kindergartners was about to be untangled from her neck.

Side note - When we tried to pry info out of her about how her first day was, she initially would only divulge that she had cheese pizza at lunch and that she was a good girl and chose white milk over chocolate milk.

Seek and ye will find

jamesjk@gmail.com — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 19:30:56 GMT

First NSFW blog entry ever

Lions and Tigers and Humidity, Oh My

jamesjk@gmail.com — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 12:34:09 GMT

I’m not sure about the future direction of this blog (if it even has a future) but it seems to be kid-centric the past few months which was one of my “no nos” when I created this thing. I’m not sure if I’m temporarily mellowing out but the angst of a really crappy July has passed and a new month is upon us. Maybe it’s the fact that my oldest daughter is starting kindergarten next Monday, but I have just been in “Daddy Mode” in regards to all my modes of communication as of late.

I bring this up because, after a very long sleepless night with our 11-month old, I stayed home on Wednesday to take Ally to the zoo. Taking away the fact it was a stomach-punching 97 degrees and humid outside, we actually had a blast. Fortunately Zoo Atlanta is heavily shaded so we were spared the brunt of this latest heat wave.

The following set of photos we really lucked out on. A mother lion was rounding up her 3 boy cubs and was moving them by the standard method of picking them up with her mouth by the scruff of their neck. What was cool is that she did this right in front of us (see third photo).

"MOOOOMMMMM, not in front of everyone. You're embarrassing me."

Gotta find a way to stay cool.

Coolest...Device...Ever

jamesjk@gmail.com — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 15:13:58 GMT

On Tuesday we took one step closer to officially joining the Cult of Mac by adding 2 iPhones to our roster of household Apple products. We had planned on getting the phones by year’s end but our hand was forced due to an application that we had trouble loading onto Megan’s Blackberry Pearl for work. Since it is an essential piece of software for her work (ePocrates) and even T-Mobile and Blackberry phone support couldn’t resolve the issue, we had to make the switch ASAP since we knew it worked on the iPhone.

Sure enough, after hours of futility on the Pearl, the application was installed flawlessly on her iPhone in less than 3 minutes and runs like a charm. As much as we both loved our Crackberries, the iPhone is simply a game-changer in the cell phone world. I know quite a few people now who own one (first and/or second generation) and not only has everyone liked their phone, every single person has RAVED about them. No one is neutral towards theirs or negative, which is a heckuva feat for any kind of software or phone.

In the 48 short hours I’ve had this phone, I must admit it is hands-down the coolest electronic device I have ever had. And it’s not just barely higher than some other cool things I have had, it’s head and shoulders above anything although the Wii does come in a solid second place in the Kirkpatrick household. Let’s say you have 3 voicemails and the third call is actually the one you want to hear first. Not a problem, just click on that name on your screen and you’re immediately taken to that voice message. Now I have a device that allows me to listen to all my music, takes my phone calls, displays video for me (great for plane trips), holds all my contact and calendar information, and still has tons of room left over for me to put cool applications and games on it?! Taking the cost out of the equation, who WOULDN’T want that? Oh, and I have a fully functional internet browser, GPS and Google Maps to boot.

I was reminded last night of why I’m so glad we became a Mac family last year as I was reinstalling Windows XP on a work laptop. An hour and a half later and I still hadn’t even gotten to putting Service Pack 3 on it, which is another 30+ minutes of installation.

To hell with that. Apple “gets it” in terms of the user experience. From the time I push my power button on the Macbook, it is fully booted and online in 30 seconds. The same functionality takes 3-4 minutes minimum on a Windows PC. With the exception of gaming and certain developer tools, anything Windows does Apple can do better. From the easier interfaces to the faster processing to the ninja-like quietness of my Macbook compared to a Windows-based laptop, there is nothing from Windows that I have missed since I made The Switch.

For those of you who like the comfort of the familiar and boring, then Windows is for you. But if you want to have a taste of what the much-more-fun world of Apple is like, treat yourself and get a Macbook or an iPhone. Go ahead, I dare you.

Getting bigger every day

jamesjk@gmail.com — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:55:00 GMT

Today is Ally’s fifth birthday. It’s also her last day at her Montessori school since she starts kindergarten on August 11.

Here is my absolute favorite picture of her. She couldn’t have been more than a day or two old in this one. We had put socks on her hands so she wouldn’t scratch her face. I scanned actual photos below so I apologize for the low resolution.

This one was taken just yesterday.

Kid parties

jamesjk@gmail.com — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:03:25 GMT

I’m curious what other parents’ policies are on other birthday parties. Nothing is more sucky than having to take your kid to a party for a kid you don’t know and parents who you also don’t know. You hope that you might recognize another kid’s parents at the party so you can at least have idle chatter with someone while your precious seedling gets hopped up on sugary confections.

So, as a parent who is hosting a party, what is your obligation to a parent you don’t know? Is it a simple “Hi, I’m [Parent A], [Child’s] dad” or do you need to make small talk for a short time? Obviously all I do is the former and then find myself settling into my comfort zone with parents who I know from before. Do my responsibilities extend beyond the simple “Hi and goodbyes”? The three parents who I didn’t know actually all wound up talking amongst each other, so it wasn’t like they were twiddling their thumbs. Chances are, of they were by themselves the entire time I’d probably try to initiate at least some kind of superficial conversation.

One funny side note to this weekend’s party was a conversation I had with two twins that are about Ally’s age. They got a puppy a few months ago and this past week they had him fixed so he couldn’t “go forth and multiply”. In the middle of me talking to them while they had a snack, one of the boys just blurts out “OUR DOG’S PENIS IS BLEEDING.” Let me tell ya – that was one of the hardest times I have ever had to suppress guffawing out loud. I knew exactly what he was talking about but the way he brought it up, non-sequitur style, was absolutely perfect. His mom, kind of embarrassed, said “Yeah, that one was hard to explain to them”.

Good times. Except for the poor boy dog robbed of his seed-spreading manhood.

Don't let the bastards get you down

jamesjk@gmail.com — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:45:12 GMT

This has been a real stressful week for all 4 family members, thus the lack of posts. I can’t get into specifics for now but let’s just say there’s a special place in hell for vindictive and petty people. I’m so fucking mad right now that, instead of making lemonade out of lemons, I want to take the uncut lemons and shove them in these peoples’ orifices.

The hat that Megan got me on her vacation last week says it all.

Hit those colored dots

jamesjk@gmail.com — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 15:08:36 GMT

Green – Orange

Red – Yellow

Yellow

Red – Yellow

Yellow

Yellow – Orange

Yellow

Red – Yellow

Tap tap tap, thwappa, thwappa, THUMP.

These are the sounds emanating from my basement the past few months. If you guessed what I’m talking about, then you too know the strange allure of music-based games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band. Since I added Rock Band to my list of games for the Wii last month, the “tap tap tap” sounds have been happening every night since I am just as addicted to the drums as I am the guitar.

These music-based games have somehow tapped a primal urge within me, probably stemming from a lifetime of air guitaring and air drumming, and a monster has been unleashed. I liken it to a pastor’s son who, after living a childhood full of repressed urges and unrealistic expectations, falls off the rails when he goes to college and partakes in every kind of vice you can name. He has traded in his hymnal and bible and Sunday School indoctrination for lines of coke, fistfuls of Ecstasy and giant bags of pot.

I had already gone off the deep end when Guitar Hero entered my house (which, BTW, I’m mastering the Hard level now). Then Rock Band finally came out for the Wii last month and not only do I have 63 more songs to master on guitar, I also now have drum skills I need to ramp up on. If I wanted to, I could also do bass and vocals but I don’t see having the time to do that since guitars and drums have really taken a dent out of my DVR and DVD time. My Netflix queue is temporarily moving about as fast as a house for sale in this current cruddy real estate market in an oversaturated area.

The two companies that make Rock Band and Guitar Hero aren’t doing anything to rein in my addiction either. Guitar Hero: World Tour comes out this fall and also comes with a drum set with cymbals. There’s also a Guitar Hero: Aerosmith version out and a track pack for Rock Band with a bunch more songs. Plus Rock Band 2 is coming out this fall too. The situation seems hopeless for me to pull out of this addiction and I simply don’t care to be “healed”. When Guitar Hero: Metallica comes out some time in 2009, expect me to drop off the face of the Earth for a short period of time.

I truly believe these kinds of game are going to be the future of karaoke parties. There really is a sense of satisfaction when you play with others and you’re all hitting your notes like a real band would. Obviously the skill set to actually play instruments is far superior than mastering a stupid game, but this really levels the playing field for those of us casual wanna-be musicians.